ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I could make wine with my vomit
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
