I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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