Whatcha textin bout Willis?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Randomize
