hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My vagina is officially offended.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
