I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
