Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
