i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
