He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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