I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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