I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
