1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
