Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
