so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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