apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
