I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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