The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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