so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
