"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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