How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
