So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
