Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
