I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
