you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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