I am spending my child support on dildos
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
