dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
