Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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