There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
