Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think i got beer on your cat.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
