I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
