I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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