I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
