do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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