fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
