do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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