i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
