To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
