how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
