can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
