u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
