thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
