Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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