just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
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