I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
