what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
