I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
