It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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