she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
