the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
