I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
