she was so not down for the gang bang
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
