I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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