Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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