Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize