Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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