I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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