were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
