I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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