Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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