i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
